Disclaimer: Joss owns them
Note: I wrote this a long time ago. And it was one ofthose fics were you write them and you have no ideawhy!

"He called last night." Buffy put her head down hopingWillow hadn't caught the words that just slipped outof hermouth. Ever since he left she cried her self to sleeplonging to hear his voice. They had gone through somuch. Hellthey went through a lot. Even Buffy as a vampire,which she still was but she was only a hybrid. Theyfought foreach others lives, they even brought each other backto life at one point. Then Angel said it was best ifhe just left?Buffy couldn't understand that. She couldn'tunderstand why? Then out of the blue he called. Willowhad offered tohelp Buffy study....for Summer School. They were inher room not studying as usual.

"Angel?" Willow asked not missing a beat, or the sadlook in her best friends eyes. "Yeah." Buffy smiledweakly,too weakly. She was visibly fighting back tears. "Ialmost lost it when I heard his voice." Buffy wasn'table to getmore than one sentence out at a time. She bit her lipand nodded her head.

"What did he want?""To t.t.tell me he missed me, and that...ha..um..hemet.""Someone?" Willow asked wanting to spare her friendsaying the words herself."Actually, no." Buffy looked up at Willow the tearshad gone but the sorrow was still there."Well, that's great." Willow said adding extraenthusiasm for her dear friend.

"It's Cordelia." Buffy face remained expressionlessas though she didn't know whether to laugh or cry."They're...dating?" Will was shocked certainly Angelwouldn't. "They um..went on a coffee date last night. He wantedto tell me before Cordy said anything. Cause she woulddo something like that. Worthless tramp, she doesn't knowwhat to...oh God he's mine. I love him, she doesn'tlove him. She will never have what we have.

"Buffy, I don't mean to interrupt but you did theysame thing to him with Scott.""I never knew it would hurt this much. Oh God Willowwhat am I gonna do? Willow." Buffy cried as she slowlylaid down on her bed. She raised only her eyes and caughtglimpse of her window. "He always showed up when everI needed him, he always knew just when I was hurt themost." This Freak show. Angel told her they were onlya freak show. She tried to be mad but she couldn't. "He usedto love me more than anything. We have been through somuch. More than any couple." Buffy was staring indisbelief."Buffy I, um think more than the "any" couple. I'venever sent Oz to Hell, sure I've knocked him out, andcheated on him, and shot him, heck he even tired to eat me!"Willow looked at Buffy she was half smiling. "I've gotto quite that.""It's OK Will, I need to get my mind off of this,somehow." Buffy said not meaning a word of it."Sarah McLachlan.""Please."

**

Buffy sat alone in her bedroom..alone. It was onlymidnight. The scooby gang offered to patrol for herbecause of the shape she was in. She sat one her bed listening toSarah McLachlan's Angel.

"I hate...love him." Buffy said aloud. "You've got to getover him." She glanced over her window . How shewished he would show up. But she knew it was over, because ithad to be. Where would he be when she died? Would hekill himself? Would his soul go with her. She knew hernumber would be coming up soon. She was too lucky.With Angel gone there was nothing left. Buffy refused totalk to her mother because of what she said to Angel.By loving her did not mean leaving. A sudden breeze picked upand she let the wind brush against her face. Sheclosed her eyes, the air smelled sweet. She quietly rose out of her bedtoward the window. The curtains rustled in the breeze."Good-bye, Angel." She slowly closed the windowknowing she would never open it the same way again.Buffy laid back down in her bed letting her tears to swim her tosleep.

Angel watched as she closed the window. He came backto tell her that he couldn't stay away from her. Butshe spoke the dreaded words he never wanted to hear.Good-bye, those words had brought him back many times.He wasn't coming back this time, nor was he going back toLos Angeles He would go somewhere to once again bealone. He looked up to her window one last time."Good-bye, my love."

As Angel left, slowly walking down the street, herealized how much this girl had changed his life. Andhow his life would never be the same without her. They had facedeverything. He had traveled to his nightmares toretrieve her soul. He would have gone into Hell if it would havebeen necessary But it wasn't and she was the one whounderstood that she had to move on. She was going tocontinue with her job as long as time permitted, shedeserved more than him. He deserved much less than her. It wastime for him to move on and go. Help humanity survivesomeplace else. Away from his precious Buffy. Hepromised himself he wouldn't look back, but it wasn'tthat easy.

He hadn't walked far, and when he turned around thereshe was. Sitting on her window sill. He could onlystare at, unable to move. He watched as her lips formed thewords 'I love you' and he almost felt his knees bucklebeneath him. He blinked his eyes to wash away the tears thatthreatened to form, but after he blinked she was gone.The girl in the window was only the figment of his imagination.Not the real flesh and blood of his Slayer. His Buffy.Well, not his. Someday she would belong to someone else. Andhe would watch as she shared her life with thatperson.

He would hide in the shadows, but she would never shehim. She would never see him again. And when the daycame that she 'retired' from slaying, he would'retire' from his Immortal life. So he turned him selfback around away from the direction of the illusion he had seen.And continued his lonely walk to unknown places. Heknew only one thing as walked down her street for the last time.

He was dead to her now.Do what you have to do

What ravages of Sprit
Conjured this tempestuous rage
Created you a monster
Broken by the rule of love
And fate has lead you through it
You do what you have to do
And fate has lead you through it
You do what you have to do
I had the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
However swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
And I had the sense
To recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
Glowing ember
Burning hot
And burning slow
Deep within I'm shaken
By the violence of existing
For only you
I know I can't be with
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
And I had the sense to recognize
But I don't know how to let you go
But I don't know how to let you go

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